familyproblem | Ryslig inbox

[Five minutes.

About a month earlier, Gladion had contacted Fugo about something entirely different, but also similar enough to be at the front of his mind for most of this conversation.

...But different enough in more than a few details of how they'd had the conversation.

Ten minutes.

Fugo had given him a disclaimer about...expecting him to need to step away from the computer? Which itself had been hard to read, part of the challenge of the whole thing.

He's thinking back on that now, with a new perspective. This isn't a conversation about feeding, but it's still....

Twelve minutes.]

I'm sorry. None of it is fair, and it happens too fast.

[Hit send.

...But that's kind of presumptuous, isn't it? He doesn't know why Rindo hasn't answered. Hell, for all he knows, his hands could just be melting.

Or.]

If you had to step away for a while, that's alright. With the way things are around here, there's more than enough reasons for it.

[Hmm.]

[It takes Rindo a couple more minutes to realize Gladion's sent more messages. Reading them links the scattered and disconnected parts of his mind back together, putting words and logic to the barely-contained storm raging in his head, letting the emotions he'd just shut away hit him with full force. Gladion's words act like permission, and from that point on, holding back his tears becomes an impossible task.

It isn't fair. And no amount of deluding himself into thinking that preparation and foreknowledge will make things better can change that. Really, it was just a matter of time before he fell apart, with Gladion's post merely being the spark that ignited the fire. Everything's awful, unimaginably so, and there's no escaping it.

…Can't burden him with this. He's not Swallow. Hell, maybe he shouldn't bother Swallow with it, either. She's already going through enough, and it's his fault. She's used to Ryslig (and Gladion is, too). He's barging in, clueless, useless, imposing. She has a life here, friends, even a girlfriend. Meanwhile, he's just… ~~been replaced, but maybe he was never that important~~

…He stops short of voicing that thought—lets it hover nearby, half-formed, too sharp to hold—as the ever-vigilant part of him comes back online in alarm. He should say something, anything—Gladion's caught on, he needs to do damage control now. Because if Gladion asks if something's wrong, Rindo's not sure he'll have the strength to lie.]

yewah
sorry
i apppreciate the advice

[This response doesn't even engage with what Gladion said, but he's already made him wait long enough.

…Did he typo? Of course he did, he can hardly see through the blur. And of course there's no way to edit messages on this stupid thing.]

[Oh. That seems bad.

And. Wow, this is not easy; his respect for Fugo only grows, because there's a lot you can't do through a screen. Can't confirm your suspicions. Can't characterize your own silence. Can't...like...get someone a hot cocoa.

He fears being smothering. Being so distant as to be uncaring is a less familiar concern, but still very possible.]

Not to be intrusive, so tell me to back off if you want. But forget the advice for a second. How are you doing right now?

["I see. Are you alright, Gladion?"]

["Forget the advice", yeah he would like to. Well, no, it's a stupid reaction. But. Ugh.

"How are you doing?" Only the worst he remembers ever doing in his life, but you can't tell a stranger that. You just…

Can't tell things to people. It's the safe thing to do, an instinctive fear that keeps everything under lock and key. If you're already hurt, exposing your weak point to the world means risking even more pain. But Gladion noticed and he asked—and though this is far from the first time someone's done it since his arrival, it feels different here. Like there's space for acknowledgement, now that he's over the edge. Lying feels increasingly pointless and impossible. (Maybe Gladion being a stranger helps.)

Rindo is well aware that he's nothing like Swallow. He isn't as smart or capable as she is. Swallow may have adapted to Ryslig, carved out a space for herself with her friends, but he needs help. A lot of it. Even as he doubts he can be helped at all.

That said, the matter of whether he deserves that much help is more contentious. But he can be quite selfish, now can't he?]

bad

[…He just wants to stop hurting.

Twenty seconds or so pass before the next message, during which Rindo appreciates the magnitude of what he has admitted (to himself, mostly) and witnesses his defenses crumble to pieces in real time. With his still-flowing tears wiped, his hands land on the keyboard once again.]

really bad
its not just ryslig
even though ryslig is bad enough on its own

[And it feels silly that this—the Swallow thing—is what's getting him, of all things, but the scope of everything else is so, so much and he is simply does not have the capability to handle it. So for now he'll put it away and pretend it is not there.]

[Twenty seconds for blind catastrophizing.

Not that what ends up coming through is that much better than what Gladion imagines.

Not just Ryslig. That could mean anything. But - he needs to step back from that urge to jump to conclusions. Sit back and fix his perspective. He has the luxury to do that, up on this rooftop in the fog - if not the time, because he doesn't want to leave Rindo waiting.]

Something from home?

yeah
its probably gonna sound crazy but

[Rindo instantly regrets typing that last line, but it's too late to take it back. Gladion's been here for months, he's probably heard crazier. They're both melting right now, for crying out loud.]

remember the friend i mentioned?
ive known her for 3 years
we were online friends back home and we never met in person
but when she found me here she somehow recognized me right away
except i didnt know who she was. she got really upset
she had to convince me by telling me stuff only she would know

apparently ppl who get sent here can be from different points in timelines, and im from before we met irl.
its either that or i forgot a bunch of stuff when i got here but it doesnt feel like i did...

and its not just her. apparently one other person in the house knows me but ive never seen him before.
theres 2 others who acted like they didnt know me but idk... its a weird coincidence that all of us (except one) are from the same place
so i think maybe they know me too

[…The more he writes and the more it feels like he's making a huge deal out of nothing. Maybe Gladion's down to help new arrivals with monster stuff, but he didn't sign up for… whatever the hell this is going to turn into. The next message isn't quite backtracking, but telling Gladion about the facts is one thing and telling him how he feels about said facts is another.]

theres more but its stupid personal junk and idk if you wanna hear about that stuff

[Rindo stops there, for now at least, both to see Gladion's reaction and give him some time to process the whole thing. Even if he feels ridiculous and vulnerable explaining all of this, he's… reasonably certain that Gladion wouldn't just blow him off or make fun of him. And, well… it's kind of nice to be telling someone about this. He's not sure if it's that or if he's all out of tears to cry, but he's calming down, just a little. He's mostly just sniffling now, instead of the great big sobs from earlier.

In that moment of clarity, some kind of impulse sends him looking for water. It's a good thing he filled his bottle before holing up in the guest room—it's right there on the nightstand. He reaches for it, the coolness of its dented aluminum surface stark against his skin. …Yeah, Gladion wouldn't laugh at him.]

[...Oh!]

That's similar to what happened to my housemates. Their case is sort of inverted, though. They're twin brothers, but the one from the future [which is actually the past but that's too god damn much] had amnesia that the one from the past didn't know about.

[And this is very easy information to give because it's just...true. It's mundane to him now. He won't laugh at this, but probably not for any of the reasons Rindo supposes.]

They've adjusted, but it was pretty tense at first. I think being twins gave them a leg up.

[There's a lot more he could say about that. Once again, though, it's perhaps too much at once with too many assumptions attached. It sounds to him like Rindo is living with a bunch of nominal "friends" who know far more about him than he could reasonably have expected, and - well.]

As far as "personal junk" goes: I'm concerned for your privacy, but my time isn't exactly valuable at the moment. Say whatever needs saying.

[......

attaches a shitty pic taken by laptop

of a goddamn tent set up on the top of a goddamn random four-story building.

That bag Gladion was carrying is lying in the entry of the tent.]

[Rindo takes small sips of water as he watches Gladion's messages come in. He has to reread them a few times to really parse them, because this kind of nonsense is confusing at the best of times. It's one thing to be told Ryslig has a tendency to pull people in from different points in time, and it's another to hear about other people in the same situation as him. Suddenly he's feeling a strong sense of kinship with these twins. Being honest, though, the idea of having to adjust to it, rather than finding some kind of fix, is less than pleasant. It's… unfair. If he's going to get sent to Ryslig, at least let it be with matching memories… It just feels like a sick joke at his expense.

Then Rindo blinks at the sight of the picture—he knew laptops could send and receive them, but… damn, that's really low quality. A small, incredulous smile appears on his face as he realizes what he's looking at. So Gladion really did end up scaling a building yesterday! "Somewhere out of the way" indeed. Even with the risk of fusion, it feels almost… excessive. Not like he can fault him for being cautious, though.

As far as privacy goes… Well, it's not like any of this is a secret, or particularly sensitive information, even. Surely Gladion doesn't know Swallow, right? Maybe he can keep things vague, just in case. Anyway…]

so theres no easy fix to the timeline and amnesia stuff then... that sucks

anyway thanks. it means a lot.
im def weirded out by the others knowing me but its not the worst part

[Takes a moment to think about how to word this.]

my friend and i were close back home, but she never really talked about herself much tbh

she was evasive whenever i asked stuff about her so i kinda gave up cuz i didnt want to be pushy

i didnt think about it much, but then when i got here i realized that she has this whole life i knew nothing about. she's close enough with her housemates to call them family, shes even dating one of them

and she got really upset that i didnt recognize her... it makes me wonder just what i couldve missed for her to react that way

obviously i dont want to make her feel bad but its not like i can do anything abt this...

im glad she found me and that i have a roof over my head but i feel like the odd one out

the only one thats still human stuck in the middle of a bunch of ppl who know me and who have everything about this place figured out already

i dont even remember what im supposed to remember... its making me feel like im doing everything wrong somehow

[…Oversharing much? Gladion isn't Swallow, he might not take so kindly to Rindo's venting.]

i know it sounds stupid but... ig i dont really have anyone else to talk to abt all this

im sorry if this is a lot

[Well, there's no taking any of this back. All he can do now is anxiously wait for an answer.]

[There is...a lot of food for thought here.

(He sympathizes with not talking much about yourself. This is a very frank view of the other side of that. It's...well, it's food for thought, for him. He's chewing it.)]

If timelines are involved, there's not exactly anything to remember, "supposed to" or otherwise. Our situation actually did involve amnesia and it was still counterproductive to act like he could be a different version of himself if he tried hard enough.

I wasn't privy to every conversation about it, but I think ultimately what they had to do was be honest about the whole thing. And accept getting to know each other "again" instead of waiting for things to magically line back up.

Which, like you said, means you can't do that much about it personally. Except being honest. They either will or won't figure their own feelings out.

[This is… obnoxiously good advice. Albeit strictly focused on the practical aspects of the situation. Which, well, that's fair—can't expect Gladion to deal with Rindo's fears of inadequacy. If Gladion won't openly acknowledge them, that gives Rindo an out, which is good because now he's worried he's gone too far.

…That said, he finds that it is a little too easy to slip into treating Gladion like Swallow. Which is concerning on two levels: they do not have three years of friendship to their name, and replicating that one-sided dynamic is probably not the best idea.

So let's just pull back on the vulnerability for a bit.]

well... idk if im from earlier in her timeline or if i have amnesia. its all just guesses in the end

but ur right its probably the same thing either way

[And the persistent thought of "it's unfair" threatens to make his tears flow again, even though they had mostly stopped at some point during this whole… venting thing.]

["Strictly focused on the practical aspects of the situation" is such a good coping mechanism though. You can just, like, pretend not to have hurtable feelings. Or you can decide that you'll surely stop feeling bad once you achieve a vague, unattainable standard of Having Your Shit Together.

Speaking of which, as Gladion continues to chew and chew and chew and finally turns that i feel like the odd one out part over to his own satisfaction:]

You might want to try to get into contact with some other new arrivals. Your housemates probably know someone who's met someone, if you didn't get any names on the way over.

[And other than that...ugh. He's not very organized anymore. Still chewing. i feel like the odd one out, Rindo says, and all Gladion can really think is...yeah, that's, it's accurate, isn't it?]

The first thing I did when I arrived in Ryslig was basically to sleep for a few days. Take things on one at a time.

[…About that.]

didnt end up meeting any other new arrivals... i think i came out of the sewer after most everyone else

but ill think about it

[Very halfhearted statement. Socializing is already hard enough at the best of times; right now the thought of going out of his way to meet new people feels downright impossible.

As for the rest… He can concur with sleep being an appealing proposition. He certainly feels tired enough to pass out for weeks. But now he's curious, and for lack of an easy-to-contact fellow newbie…]

howd things go for you when you got here?

[He leaves the question open-ended deliberately, because if it's anything like his melting incidents then it might not be the most pleasant topic to breach.]

[UHHhhhhh that's actually. A good question, isn't it. Gives him pause.]

If you ever hear people talking about a "Felfri", I was one of the people who showed up when that was happening. There was a lot going on, but the shortest explanation is that it was some kind of other world attached to this one. I spent a month there before actually making it to Ryslig.

Felfri was a nightmare for its own reasons. I met two other new arrivals from my own world there. By the time we got here, we weren't about to split up over nothing. So we got an apartment at the 38-8 together, and then moved out later to where we are now.

[That's....a summary? There was so goddamn much happening that it's hard to pick out more detail than on a first pass. Also, as important as it is to decisively badmouth the gods, that's another Maybe Wait At Least One Day sort of topic.]

Edited 2023-04-18 23:35 (UTC)

[…Well that sounds like a whole Thing. Rindo is a little envious of Gladion having arrived with people from his world. In most ways, it would be more difficult than the hand he's been dealt, but… Even though it's clear to him by now that new arrivals are all out of their depth, his acute awareness of the gap in knowledge and experience between him and the rest of the house is making it feel way worse.

After that, he just sits there for a moment. His mind is lagging a little bit from… everything? There's been a lot of talking and a lot of emotions crammed in one day and now he's drained. Or numb. It is, honestly, an improvement from his earlier state. But he kinda… forgot to reply to Gladion. Oops.]

[At first Gladion just waits, and spends the wait mulling things over further. I'll think about it is a barely-concealed shrug. He is, he thinks, concerned for Rindo. But also: the guy doesn't need to be fussed at about making friends, of all fucking things, mere hours after...all of this.

Who is he even turning into.

Some time passes. Gladion starts to wonder, a little.

...There are other things that don't really need to be fussed over, either.]

I'll let you get some rest. See you around, probably.

[…Crap. How many minutes was that?]

sorry im still here
just zoned out for a bit

[Embarrassing… Should he even say something about Felfri? He doesn't know anything about it. It'd just be empty platitudes… there's no point. Right.]

but honestly ur right...
im really tired
its been one thing after another for 2 days straight

i think im gonna try to get some sleep

[A pause. This is the kind of rapidfire messaging that happens when you're exhausted beyond belief and most of your inhibitions are shot.]

thanks

for taking the time to hear me out

[…He feels a little better, now, he supposes.]

[Yeah he's gonna choose to interpret "zoned out" as "dozed off".]

Don't worry about it.

I don't normally check my messages as often as I have today, but if anything comes up, my inbox is open.

[That

feels less pushy than "if you have any more questions".]

got it

[…Rindo really owes him.

He remembers the way Gladion was flicking melting bits of moss off his body. Wonders if it gets cold at night, up on that roof. There's not much he can do, but…]

take care

[…This is at least something.]

Ryslig inbox

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